Series: - No Series - #1
Chapters: 001 Word Count: 301
Character(s): Tony DiNozzo
Category(ies): Angst/Drama, Character Study, Episode Related, Established Relationship
Summary: DiNozzo knows the price he paid for lying to Gibbs and to Jeanne.
Author Notes: Minor and non-specific spoilers throughout S4, Blowback and Internal Affairs
In his job lies are not only necessary, they are a good thing.
Then there are times when they are necessary, but they are a bad thing.
He knows now that lying to Gibbs about his undercover operation had been a bad thing; a very bad thing.
Gibbs had lied when he'd said he would have done the same thing; he knows that. There's no way Gibbs would have done what he'd done.
When he'd said to Jenny 'Do you think he'll ever forgive us?' he had partly been trying to lighten the moment. But only partly. Deep down he'd meant his words, and the subsequent 'Yeah, thatís what I think, too.'
Now he was paying the price for lying to Gibbs.
But more than that he was paying the price of lying to the only woman he had ever, and would ever, love.
And he didn't just mean the lies when he was undercover; he knew she could forgive those. He could forgive those. They hadn't been good, but they'd been necessary.
No, he meant the lie he'd told her when she'd asked if any of it was real.
He'd said 'no'. He'd lied. And it had been a very bad thing to do.
At the time it had felt right.
At the time it had felt the only thing to do.
At the time it had felt a good thing.
But now he knows it was the worst thing he had ever done in his life.
If he could go back and say a different word he would.
If he could go back and tell the truth he would.
If he could go back and undo the bad thing he'd done he would.
But he can't.
Instead he'll go on paying the price for the lies he told.