Series: - No Series - #1
Chapters: 001 Word Count: 309
Character(s): Jethro Gibbs, Ducky Mallard
Category(ies): Angst/Drama, Established Relationship, Friendship
Summary: A companion piece to 'Hurt'. Set a couple of weeks after Escaped. Ducky was correct. Gibbs is avoiding him.
I am avoiding him.
But I don't know what else to do.
I walked out on him. Packed up and left.
Left my home.
Left my job.
Left people who cared about me.
And all without a word.
All without saying goodbye.
All without saying goodbye to the person I love more than life. More than I can even explain.
Always said I was a bastard.
And now I'm back. But I don't know what to say to him.
"Hey, Duck, sorry I left you."
Yeah, right. Like that'll do.
Anyway, I can't. Because it's partly a lie.
Oh, I am sorry I left him. And yet at the same time I'm not.
I had to. But I don't know how to explain that.
Don't know how to explain that to myself. So how the hell can I explain it to him?
So I avoid him.
Except it isn't.
And the longer I go on avoiding him that harder it'll be.
The more distance they'll be between us.
The more coldness.
The more pain.
The more heartache.
The more suffering.
The more hurt.
Maybe I should find a way. Say something. Anything.
But if I talk to him; tell him; say I'm sorry, then . . .
Then he might expect me to go straight back to his bed.
And I don't know if I can. Not yet. It wouldn't be right.
I love him too much to cheat on him. To lie to him.
And if I sleep with him now, I'm not sure that it'll be him I'm thinking of. And I won't do that to him.
Far better to stay away.
To keep my distance.
To avoid him.
Until . . .
Until I've got her back where she belongs.
Until I . . .
Anyway, is sorry really enough?