Series: - No Series - #1
Chapters: 001 Word Count: 697
Character(s): Tony DiNozzo, Abby Sciuto
Pairing(s): - No Pairing -
Summary: You make it sound like a cult.
Author Notes: Sort of a meta-crossover, but not really: slight spoilers for a completely different show.
Tony frowned dubiously at the box Abby handed him. "What is this stuff again?"
"Shhh!" Abby waved excitedly at him, fiddling with the wires on her surround sound system. "Trust me. It's worth it."
He grimaced and flipped the box over. "'Five hundred years in the future..' Abs," he groaned.
"What?" Finished now, she whirled back to the sofa, a flounce of pigtails and fishnets.
"Why didn't you bring McGeek over to watch this?"
Abby snatched the box from his hand. "Shut up, Tony! McGee already watches. I need to convert you now."
Tony whined. It wasn't the most attractive thing he did, but sometimes there was no other recourse. "But I don't like science fiction. And you make it sound like a cult."
"Trust me!" she reiterated. "And it is. A cult. Sort of." Abby frowned, then brightened. "But a really really cool one. And...look, just watch the first episode with me. If you don't have fun, I promise I'll never bug you about it again."
"Deal," Tony said, holding out his hand to shake on it. Abby took his with a grin.
"If you like it, that makes everybody but Gibbs."
"You made Gibbs watch this?" Tony was amazed at Abby's audacity.
Abby laughed. "Hell, no. I had a hierarchy. First Palmer, then Ducky, then Kate, then you. If you become a fan, then maybe I'll try Gibbs." She pressed the button on the remote.
Tony thought for a moment as he threw popcorn at the FBI warning. "What about McGee?"
Giggling, Abby swung her legs onto Tony's lap. "Why do you think I went out with him the first time?"
"Huh." Tony ruminated on that a bit as Abby giggled again and orange screens flashed by with incomprehensible squiggles and photos of supposedly the cast members. He sighed and settled in.
"I'm supposed to sympathize with the losers who are now criminals? Abby, what made you think I'd like this?"
"Shush! It gets better!"
"Whoa. Rewind that."
"Rewind what, Tony?" Tony glared at her drippingly sweet voice and grabbed the remote from Abby's hands.
"Whoa. It's like Cinemax, but better. Is there more with the whore?"
Abby giggled. "The term is Companion."
"I don't buy it. They keep making out the pretty boy to be this bad guy."
"Just keep watching."
"Oo oo oo!" Abby squeaked. "This is the best part!"
"What the hell is going on?"
"Hey, that preacher-guy has some nice moves."
"Whoa. Rewind again."
"Tony! If I have to rewind for every naked scene in this series, we'll never finish!"
"Really?" Tony looked at the discarded slipcase with a new eye. "How much did it cost again?"
"That was cold." Tony stared at the TV. "Rewind, Abs."
She sighed and pressed the button. "I suppose there was no naked person this time."
"He just shot him in the head! Wow! That was...wow."
The two of them lay in comfortable positions on the sofa. Tony picked a piece of popcorn off Abby's knee and munched it. "You're definitely the Kaylee."
She tilted her head and laughed. "And Kate is totally Zoe."
Tony leered. "I was going to say Inara, but I guess she'd kick my ass if I said that to her face."
"She totally would." Abby pushed up and examined Tony. "Gibbs is definitely Mal. He's got that broody thing going on."
"Yeah," Tony sighed. "Does that make me the hot doctor, then?"
Abby laughed. "No way! That's totally Ducky."
"Ducky's hot?" Tony stared at Abby. "You have the hots for Ducky?"
She gave him her patented "der"-look. "Age does not make one un-hot, Tony."
"Fine, fine." Tony waved his hand. "Then I'm the funny pilot."
Abby shook her head. "McGee."
Tony looked at her, horrified. "I'm much funnier than McGee!"
"Tony, you are so Jayne."
He sighed. "Fine. I'll be Jayne."
Abby sat up and patted his shoulder. "It's okay, Tony. He gets to have the most sex, after Inara."
"Oh?" Tony perked up. "That's cool."
"See? It works out." She smiled and settled back in. Tony looked at the TV again.
"We got time for another episode?"