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6 Tragic Deaths

by: taylorgibbs (Send Feedback)

Series: - No Series - #1
Chapters: 001 Word Count: 1490
Rating: TEEN
Warning(s): Character Death
Character(s): Jethro Gibbs, Tony DiNozzo, Ducky Mallard, Abby Sciuto, Ziva David, Timothy McGee, Jenny Shepard, Caitlyn (Kate) Todd, Tobias Fornell, Leon Vance
Category(ies): Crack!Fic, Humor
Pairing(s): - No Pairing -
Summary: A member of the team dies six times in six different ways, in six unrelated drabbles. Humor, cracky. Written for the creative character demise challenge on the chat list. Character death within!Mentions of slash pairings.

Author Notes: Thanks to Anna for the beta. If humor/crackfic aren't your thing, please don't read any further.

Chapters: 1

6 tragic deaths

Death 1

As Gibbs sat in Vance’s office, he went over the facts. McGee and DiNozzo were sitting across from him, Tony’s expression grimly determined, McGee’s just shocked. Gibbs had seen almost everything, but the attack on Ziva had shaken him up.

“Special Agent Gibbs,” Vance began. “What led to Officer David’s untimely demise exactly?”

Gibbs shoved the file across the table. “The Miller case. “We knew he was running an animal smuggling business. Remember the koala last year?” When Vance nodded, Gibbs continued.

“Ziva and McGee took the back, Tony and me the front. We announced ourselves and entered. Tony and I cleared the rooms and…”

“And then Ziva screamed.”

“Actually, that was me, Tony,” McGee said quietly. “The octopus had attached itself to Ziva’s face. She couldn’t see anything, couldn’t say anything at all.”

Gibbs watched the play of emotions cross Tony’s face, shaking his head against any comment Tony might make.

“We got there just as she crashed through the plate glass window,” Tony added, his expression serious. “She fell two stories right into the mulcher, which someone had left on.

“What a bloody mess,” Vance said, rubbing a hand over his eyes. “Write it up for me.”

Death 2

Gibbs arrived on the scene to see Fornell outside of Jenny’s townhouse pacing. “You called? What the hell are you…” Gibbs trailed off, looking at the groups of men standing around. There were DC Metro cops and FBI agents, some openly snickering and others shaking their heads or staring out into space.

“Morrow and I got to know each other when I worked at DHS. He said we should call you first,” Tobias said, gesturing toward the house. “Your director is going to be arrested and because we share an ex and all, thought you should know first.”

Jenny? Arrested? “Charges?” Gibbs asked, keeping his voice even, hoping that the shock didn’t show on his face.


Gibbs blinked twice, the only outward response he’d allow himself.

“And you know the victim, Jethro. Officer David.”

“Ziva?” Gibbs said, his mind working overtime. Why was Ziva here? What the hell had happened?

“Officer David was the unfortunate victim of a sex game gone wrong. I believe they call it erotic asphyxiation, or ‘breath play’. Your director and Officer David were engaged in a sexual game and Jenny let it go on a little too long.”

“That’s accidental death, not murder!”

“We have a witness who will attest otherwise,” Tobias said, a small smile on his face. When Trent Kort stepped out of the shadows, Gibbs knew that Jenny’s goose was cooked.

Death 3

“Cause of death?” Gibbs asked quietly, even though he knew. The stiletto heel must have crushed her windpipe and she’d clearly bled out. She’d been completely impaled at the throat, pinned to the weathered floorboards of the strip joint she’d been undercover in.

“I believe it is as you would expect, Jethro. Exsanguination.” Ducky moved aside as Gibbs knelt down, eyeing the torn edges of the throat with a heavy sigh.

“At least it wasn’t Abby,” Ducky said in a near whisper. Vance had considered sending Abby undercover, but Gibbs had rejected that idea.

Gibbs shook his head, pressing his lips together firmly. He would not go there, wouldn’t think of what could have been.

“Why didn’t she defend herself?” he asked himself quietly. He knew it was procedure and he couldn’t work this case directly, but Ziva had been one of his agents and he wanted answers.

“We’ll find some answers, Jethro,” Ducky assured, patting his shoulder. “Now go break the news to Tony and Tim. They’ll be wondering why you left their warm bed so late.

Death 4

“I thought this kind of thing only happened in movies,” Tony remarked to Kate, looking at the destroyed Mini Cooper. It was lodged half under a semi, the driver’s side completely destroyed, feathers everywhere.

“I can’t believe the Petty Officer in the passenger seat got out alive,” McGee remarked. “But why were we called?”

“This,” Gibbs said, motioning to the open trunk. A slender blonde in dress uniform was curled into a ball and very clearly dead. “We need an ID on the driver’s body. Now! Petty Officer said her name was Wiva or something like that. Something…”

“Black widow-like name, Boss?” Tony winced as Gibbs’ hand impacted his skull.

Gibbs motioned to the body in the trunk. “Duck, Time of death?”

“No idea yet, I’m afraid, Jethro.”

“Um…Boss? The driver seems to be minus her head. We have to find the driver’s head first.” Tony said uneasily.

“So find it,” Gibbs snapped. “It’s a human head! How hard is it to find.”

“You know the cargo spilled,” McGee said, as if that wasn’t obvious.

Gibbs looked over at the hundreds of chickens clucking and cluttering the roadway and sighed.

“Grid search. We need answers,” he barked.

“Are you chicken, Kate?” Tony asked, making clucking sounds.

Gibbs growled low. Some days he hated his job.

Death 5

When Tony got to the bullpen Wednesday morning, he was surprised to see the tight group of agents guarding the elevator and the hallway. There was a scent in the air and Tony sniffed before gagging. Burning flesh…this wasn’t good at all!

“Tony…” Rafe Balboa started. “You don’t want to go any further.”

Tony tried to peer around Rafe but the other man put a restraining hand on his shoulder. “Tony… don’t.” Tony scanned Balboa’s eyes, looking for the truth. “Who?” When Rafe didn’t immediately answer, Tony tried his best football moves, dodging around Rafe…and into Gibbs’ firm chest.

“Easy, DiNozzo,” Gibbs said. He looked grim and exhausted.

“Who?” Tony asked, his relief that it could have been Gibbs tempered by the fact that he hadn’t seen McGee since early this morning.


Tony couldn’t help the relief that rushed through him at that. It wasn’t Gibbs, it wasn’t McGee. His lovers were safe.


Gibbs shook his head, slipping an arm around Tony’s shoulder and guiding him away from the scene. “Remember how she was having computer problems and wouldn’t let Tim help?”

Tony nodded.

“Well, she took things into her own hands. Stabbed it. Tapped into the main power line and…”

“Crispy critter,” Tony finished with a sigh.

“Make sure Tim doesn’t come in here. I’ll be home when I can.”

“On it, Boss.”

Death 6

“I could kill you with this paper clip,” Ziva said, turning it over and over again in her hand. The team had just finished a hard case and they were relaxing at the office. Pizza had been delivered and a couple of flasks were being passed around. Gibbs and Vance were present, though they’d turned a blind eye to the drinking.

“I could kill you and they’d never find the body or the evidence,” Abby put in.

“What is this? Breast wars?” Tony asked, rolling his eyes. He took another huge bite of pizza and swung his legs back and forth on Gibbs’ desk. Jethro was in a relaxed mood and even had his hand resting on Tony’s knee.

“But could you disarm and kill me with a paperclip?” Vance asked suddenly. There was something in his voice that was deadly serious and Tony jumped when Gibbs suddenly became very alert, non pizza holding hand resting on his gun.

Tony didn’t have to be told; he trusted Gibbs implicitly and rested his own hand on his gun, cramming the rest of the slice of pizza in his mouth.

“Of course I could,” Ziva said, seemingly unaware of the change in mood.

“Weapons off then,” Vance said, rolling his shirtsleeves up. “You armed with a paperclip and me with this.” He pulled the toothpick out from between his teeth.

“Boss?” Tony asked in an undertone, watching Abby and McGee edging closer. Without words, they shuffled Abby behind them.

“Tony, get the weapons off her desk,” Gibbs said as her NCIS issued gun, her backup, and three knives clattered down.

“On it, Boss,” Tony whispered, securing the weapons.

“Et tu, Tony?” Ziva said, and she was snarling now. Tony shrugged but backed away slowly. He didn’t know what was going on, but he trusted Gibbs implicitly.

“Ziva, this won’t end well,” Vance warned. “We know everything.”

“You underestimate me, Director,” Ziva said, charging at him suddenly. As one, Gibbs, McGee, and Tony pulled their weapons, not shooting only because Vance warned them away.

“And you me, Officer David. Surrender.”

“Never!” As she lunged at him, Vance made his move. Ziva was dead before she hit the ground, stabbed in the eye with the toothpick and gutted with her own paperclip.

Chapters: 1

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