Series: - No Series - #1
Chapters: 001 Word Count: 1006
Character(s): Ziva David
Category(ies): Character Study
Pairing(s): - No Pairing -
Summary: It's Ziva's first day.
Author Notes: Contains spoilers specifically for Reunion, The Inside Man and Good Cop, Bad Cop. More generally for episodes ranging from the LA crossovers to the current one.
It may be foolish, but she sets her alarm for an hour earlier than usual.
She lies in the dark just staring up at the ceiling. She does not know why she cannot sleep; normally nothing troubles her sleep. It is something she learned very early on: sleep where and when she can. There is no reason for her to be awake; there is nothing for her to worry about. She should sleep; she will need to be alert and awake and aware for her first day.
Maybe it is foolish of her to view it in those terms, but she does. Tomorrow will be her first day in a new job. It will be her first day as an NCIS Agent, her first day on the team as an Agent, not a Mossad Liaison Officer.
She will do her first real work as an agent; she may even get to attend her first crime scene, as an agent. She already has her badge; Gibbs gave it to her. Her Sig-Sauer is the same; her clothing will be the same as she has always worn at crime scenes. But she will be carrying the gun and wearing the clothing as an NCIS agent.
She smiles to herself at how happy the thought makes her. She will never tell anyone, not even Gibbs, but she had never truly believed, had never let herself truly believe, that she would be permitted to become an agent. She had not been certain, despite Gibbs allowing her to return to the team and Vance letting her stay, that they would forgive her for what she had done; that they would trust her again.
The fact that it seems they have done so, touches her deeply; more deeply than she thought anything could touch her. When Ducky had told her to trust the people at NCIS as they trusted her, she had come very close to telling him that not everyone did trust her. She is glad she did not do so, as it seems she had been wrong.
She had not given any thought to what she would do, had Gibbs not signed her request to become an agent and Vance had not approved it and the SecNav and Vance were not doing whatever it was they had to do to allow her to become an agent.
Had her application been declined, she would have lost everything. She would have no home, no friends, no one. She would never have been able to return to Mossad; she had made that quite clear, and as she had told Gibbs, her father was all but dead to her. NCIS was her home; Gibbs was as close to being her father as anyone could be; the team were her friends; her family. Had she lost all of that . . . She still does not know what she would have done. She doubts she would even have been allowed to remain in the States.
She sighs. She should not be thinking about such somber things, not now, not tonight. Because she has been approved; she has been allowed to become an NCIS agent; she has been permitted to remain in the States. She should be nothing but happy. For the first time in her life, she should allow herself to be completely content. For the first time in her life she is doing, she has done, what she wants to do. She has made her own choices; she is following her own path, not one that had been mapped out for her before she was old enough even to walk. But something she wants to do.
She has been given a second chance; she can now become the person she wants to be. She is already so much more than she was when she first joined NCIS; she has already changed so much over the years; now she is free to change some more - if she wants to.
The new found freedom is almost heady and she finally realizes there is no chance of her sleeping. So rather than lie in her bed, she gets up, showers, dries her hair, chooses her clothes with a modicum of more care than she normally does. Then settles down with a book and a mug of tea in her armchair to wait for the day to break, and her first day to begin.
The time passes slowly, but eventually the clock shows an hour at which she feels she can justifiably leave her apartment and go to the office.
It is quiet when she arrives and still not completely light. She smiles inside as the security guard waves her through into the building - the first time as an agent - and goes up to the squad room. Gibbs's area, the team's area, is deserted. She switches on her desk lamp, sits down and continues to work her way through all the paperwork Tim and Tony have given her. She does not even mind that she did end up with all the reports to do, because she is here; she is here as an agent.
Part of her feels very un-Ziva-like, but maybe she never really knew the true Ziva. She is not certain this level of happiness is the real Ziva either, but she has plenty of time now to discover just who the real Ziva is.
Tim and Tony arrive arguing in a good-natured way about something she does not quite catch. They both say hello to her before heading for their own desks, their own computers, and sit down to do what each of them does when they begin their day.
Again she wonders if there will be a case; she hopes so. Not that she wants anyone to have been murdered or abducted, but she would like her first crime scene as an agent to be on the same day as her first full day as an agent.
Gibbs strides into the office. "Grab your gear. We've got a missing Petty Officer."