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Unshared feelings

by: benny1977 (Send Feedback)

Series: - No Series - #1
Chapters: 003 Word Count: 5314
Rating: MATURE
Warning(s): Violence
Character(s): Jethro Gibbs, Tony DiNozzo, Ziva David, Other Male Character, Leon Vance
Category(ies): First Time, Angst/Drama, Action/Adventure, Hurt/Comfort
Pairing(s): Gibbs/DiNozzo, Gibbs/OMC
Episode(s): 5-18 Judgment Day, 6-01 Last Man Standing
Summary: Gibbs is dealing with Tony's absence

Chapters: 1 | 2 | 3

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New team

Part 1. The new team.
11 p.mÖHe didnít really care what time it was. He had spent the entire evening in his basement, hidden from the world, hidden from his new boss. He had always considered his basement as his refuge when life was getting too hard.

And life had gotten very difficult for him the day his new boss had dissolved his team. Leon had sent Tony and Ziva miles away. The day Leon had given him the files of his new team members would stay for long in his memory as one of the worst in his life.

He had not said anything. What could have he said? He had to accept the decision of his superior even if he could not understand it. There was obviously something more behind this decision but Leon had not felt the need to explain his reasons.

He had thought a lot about it and he could accept the fact Ziva was sent back to Israel. She had been a very good NCIS agent and he could understand the Mossad needed her expertise.
He could also accept the fact that McGee abilities would be better used in his new affectation. But why TonyÖ?

He knew he had never been objective when he was thinking about Tony. But Tony was his best field agent, a man he could rely on. And he could not find one valid reason why Leon had sent him away.

He was aware that he did not only miss Tony because he was a good agent. Tony had become so much more to him during the last years. Tony was irreplaceable both at the office and in his heart. He had not felt like that for years and, even if it scared him, he could not deny the feelings he had for this man.

He had tried to deny them, at first. Tony was so different from him. But his eyes, his smile had made his heart melt. He had thought he would never have felt this kind of emotions. He had built a wall around his heart and he had felt safe, like that, for years but Tony had changed everything with just one smile.

Tony would never know about his feelings. He was unable to talk to him. Even when he had seen him left he had not moved, he had not said a word. He dreamt every night of Tony. Those dreams were so real that he could almost feel the warmth of his hands on him, that he could almost feel the softness of his lips.

Tony would never hear about those dreams. Tony would never know how much he meant to him, how much he loved him. He was too much a coward for that. And he knew Tony would never return his feelings. It had hurt so much when he had learnt about this woman, this Jeanne.

Of course, he had always known that Tony was sleeping with women. But it had been different this time. He had seen in Tonyís eyes that it was more than sex with her. He was aware it was stupid but he had felt betrayed.

It was as stupid as what had happened with Langer. But it was so easier with Langer. It was always easier when feeling were not involved. With him it was a just question of needs. He usually came here, after a long day, to release the tension and it was ok for him.

Gibbs knew it was not sane and that it was just a way to forget about what he missed the most. Langer would never know that it was not his hands that Gibbs was feeling on his skin. He was aware the situation was not fair for Langer but he could not offer more than that. He was not sure Langer was searching for more. The man had never said nor done anything that could make him think he was seeing more in him than a sexual partner.

Well, they had never talked about and they would never talk about it. What happened in this basement would stay in this basement. It was better this way. Tony was the only one he would accept to really open up to. And it would never happen.

So, here he was, working on a boat that he would probably never sail, waiting for a man he didnít love. He was sure Langer would come. They would have sex and, once more, Gibbs would picture Tonyís hands on his skin, Tonyís body touching his. He was not sure to be able to pretend any longer that sex was enough.

He was lost in his thoughts and had not heard Langer come in. Langer knew the door was never locked and he knew where to find Gibbs.

Gibbs didnít turn to look at him. He didnít want to see him, he just wanted to feel and let his mind give him what he really needed. He needed this illusion to be able to go on one more day without Tony.

As always, Gibbs closed his eyes when he felt Langer arms around his waist. The man knew what would make Gibbs happy and the older could not suppress a soft moan when Langer kissed and licked his earlobe, moving down to his neck.

Langerís hands were moving under Gibbsí T-shirt caressing his chest. The right hand exploring his torso soon found what it was searching for and Langer started nibbling at his right nipple.

Langerís left hand had started his travel down to Gibbs waistband. Langer knew how to make Gibbs moan and ask for more. His left hand was now on Gibbsí penis; just staying there, not moving.

Gibbs unzipped his jeans and let it go down on his ankle. He could feel Langerís hardness inside his pants, pressing against his ass. Gibbs wanted it so bad that he could not help moaning again.

Langerís right hand left Gibbsí right nipple to unzip his own pants. Gibbs knew what Langer wanted now so got rid of his pants and spread his legs further apart. Langerís left hand was still on Gibbs penis, while his right hand was stroking his ass.

Gibbs bit his tongue not to scream when Langer penetrated him with one finger. Langer tongue was licking Gibbsí neck and his left was now going up and down Gibbsí shaft. Mind was a powerful thing; Gibbs could almost smell Tonyís perfume. The man behind him was giving him what Tony would never give him.

Gibbs was unable to hold back the tears and he let them fell down his cheeks while Langer was penetrating him. The physical pleasure was intense but Gibbs was never really satisfied. He needed more than that, more than sex.

He tried to get lost in the moment, to concentrate in the pleasure Langer was giving him. His body responded to the pleasure but, for his heart, it was not enough.
Langerís cock was going in and out faster now; their sweating bodies pressed each other. Gibbs head was resting on the wood of his boat, his eyes still closed.

Gibbs knew Langer was close to climax when he heard him moan and when he felt him move faster and harder inside him. Langerís left hand was moving along Gibbsí hard cock and one last stroke made him come.

Gibbsí entire body was shivering when he felt Langer come inside him. Langerís head fell on Gibbsí shoulder. He was breathing hard and he left a soft kiss on Gibbsí shoulder before moving away.

Gibbs didnít move; he didnít open his eyes. He knew Langer would not say a word. Gibbs heard him put on his pants and he waited until he heard him close the basement door.
Gibb s had spent days trying to convince himself that he was ok with the fact Langer was using him and for a moment it had worked well. But it was getting harder. Gibbs was feeling so bad that he could not even look at his reflection on the mirror. He was disgusted by what he had allowed Langer to do to him.

Gibbs was trying to find something that had never been here. Tony would never have feelings for him and they would never be more than team mates.
He didnít know for how long he stayed there without moving; unable to open his eyes. He realized he was alone and slowly went to bed. He didnít sleep this night. He just stayed in the dark, thinking, one more time, about what it would be like to spend a night in Tonyís arms; about what it would be like to be able to tell him the truth.

But it was just a dream. He knew everyone had to live with the choice they had made. But sometimes, the price was way too high to pay.

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Chapters: 1 | 2 | 3

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