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Boss, I don't think we're in Kansas Anymore

by: taylorgibbs (Send Feedback)

Series: - No Series - #1
Chapters: 002 Word Count: 7986
Rating: ADULT
Warning(s): Disturbing Imagery or Content, Violence
Character(s): Jethro Gibbs, Tony DiNozzo
Category(ies): Alternate Universe, Angst/Drama, Hurt/Comfort
Pairing(s): Gibbs/DiNozzo
Summary: Gibbs and Tony suddenly wake up in a frightening new world and are forced to learn their way in order to survive. Tibbs pairing. Co written with Max for the roleplayhaven Yahoogroup.

Chapters: 1 | 2

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Boss Ch 1

TITLE: Boss, I don't think we're in Kansas Anymore

FANDOM: N.C.I.S. but within the Yahoo group "universe" of

PAIRING: Gibbs/DiNozzo

WARNING/SUMMARY: Dark stuff, de-humanization. In the universe of our roleplay-writing group where this is being played out, SOME humans treat fandom characters brought to life (called clones) not very nicely, as second class citizens or worse, as animals/pets. Most do not. Gibbs and Tony, two men who think they're straight, suddenly wake up in this world, truly alive now and no longer just characters on a television show, and are forced to learn their way as clones in order to survive. They're also forced to face something the writers of the show had not allowed them to consider. Maybe they're not so straight after all.

AUTHORS: Max (writing in red) and TaylorGibbs (writing in black). If any of the regular fan fic lists it's now being posted on don't allow colored text so the colors don't show up, Bree writes for Gibbs and Max writes for Tony and the others. Max has only just started this season in watching the show so asks for a bit of leniency in her portrayal of Tony as she learns the character.

DISCLAIMER: We don't own them. We're not trying to make any profit, etc, etc.

FEEDBACK: Very much appreciated. Flames ignored.

Tony DiNozzo was having a lovely dream. He was all curled up on the runner-up of the Miss America contest, having used his charm in comforting her over her loss of the crown to get her into bed on the first date. His face was on her chest, his right arm wrapped tightly around her, his right leg bent and tucked neatly up between her thighs. It was the perfect cuddling position, and though Tony wasn't really big on cuddling, it sure seemed to come natural to him now in this bed.

His erection was strong and urgent, rubbing into her thigh as he slept, and he groaned here and there in pleasure, lips kissing gently over hairy flesh until they found her nipple and began to suckle.

Hairy flesh?


Lips attached to that nipple, Tony DiNozzo suddenly woke up.

A dark corner of Gibbs' mind was trying to figure this out. He wasn't dating anyone, didn't even have a woman he could call on for a casual fling, so who was this snuggling against him? His instincts were screaming that it was all right, that he was fine, so he allowed himself to drift deeper into a nearly dreamless sleep. As awareness started to come to him, he drowsily took stock of things. A toned thigh rested between his, exerting just enough pressure on his balls to drive him wild and a mouth was roaming over his chest, just the way he liked it.

Gibbs buried a hand in the too short hair, groaning his approval, bucking upward slightly.

Something felt not quite right though...that thigh was too muscular, the body too firm and...was that the rasp of stubble on his chest.

His eyes blinked open, looked down at the mussed brown hair of DiNozzo and froze, breathing shallowly, hoping like hell Tony was still asleep.

With eyes opening into the chest of a man, Tony had no idea who was holding him, who had a lovers grip on the back of his head with a hand that was much too large to be female. He very slowly removed his lips from that nipple, hoping not to wake the person as he tried to untangle himself from him. His knee carefully lifted away from what he now knew was a heavy scrotal sack .... YUCK! ..... his right arm just as carefully moving back to his own side. They were under only one light blanket, the room warm enough not to need more with their combined body heat, and Tony was thankful for that. The less moving of the covers, he hoped the less likely the other man would ever know Tony had left.

The why and how of the situation hadn't full hit him yet. All he knew was that he had to get out. He had to run like hell .... before Gibbs somehow found out!

Gibbs had held men before but never--NEVER--in a sexual manner and he silently cursed his body for getting so hard. He tried to ram down his panic, to figure this out. Had they drink too much? Been drugged? He couldn't figure it out and like it or not, he needed DiNozzo's input. He knew his agent well enough to know the changes in his body and breathing.

He laid perfectly still, moderating his breathing, his gut screaming for him to get away, every instinct begging to withdraw and get away from the naked man on top of him. But an even stronger instinct was urging him to see what was going on.

Then DiNozzo started withdrawing. Gibbs let him get as far as moving his arm away, and then in one motion, he rolled to his side and grabbed Tony's wrist. "What the hell, DiNozzo?" he growled.

"BOSS!" Tony shrieked in pure unadulterated shock, so pure that it actually sounded high pitched like a girl. Shoving away from him with his free hand, he tumbled off the side of the bed, landing on his ass, only his right arm still trapped on the bed in Gibbs' steel-like grip. "Jesus Christ, it isn't what you think! I swear!"

Tony had a huge reputation as a ladies man, and the last thing he wanted was Gibbs of all people, the one man he truly looked up to, to think he was gay. That it takes two to tango, that Gibbs was just as naked as him and had been holding him just as tightly in that slumbering embrace, didn't yet occur to Tony in his shock and fear. He was, naturally, taking all the blame on himself. Jethro Gibbs was not gay. Jethro Gibbs was SO not gay. Tony just had to make sure Jethro Gibbs didn't believe Tony was gay!

Gibbs kept a tight grip on Tony's wrist. He wasn't gonna pull away. Gibbs didn't know what he thought,. had no idea what to say and the circumstance pissed him off. He hated being at a disadvantage and the way DiNozzo was talking, he knew more than Gibbs did. He glanced around the room, looking for their clothes, getting pissed when he didn't see then lying on his bureau or the chair sitting in the corner of the room. Then it hit him with brilliant clarity, almost too much for his comprehension. DiNozzo was in HIS bedroom. He must have invited Tony here.

But why...? How?

He gave Tony a challenging look that he knew had to be brimming with fury. "What the hell, DiNozzo?" he repeated, growling the words.

"I dunno!" the man shouted, still quite panicked at being sure now that at any moment big ex-Marine Gibbs was going to kick his ass all the way to hell and back. "I don't remember anything 'cept I was dreaming, I thought you were a girl." He glanced down at himself and went white with even more terror. His damn cock was still hard! Why the fuck was his damn cock still hard?! "I swear to God, Boss, I thought you were a girl!"

Gibbs followed Tony's gaze, staring a moment longer than he should and feeling a little tingle run up his spine. Even though the blankets were hiding his reaction, he knew he was still hard too. "Yeah, 'cause I make a good woman," Gibbs growled, for something to say. He jerked his head toward Tony's hips, licking his lips reflexively. "Find your damn clothes and get dressed. Then explain."

"Y..Yes Boss!" It took a few minutes, but eventually they were found in the far corner of the room, as if thrown impatiently in a passionate undressing. Gibbs' clothes were there too. As Tony started to dress, he wasn't sure which way to turn. Frontways? Backside? Sideways? He tried several positions, becoming more and more frustrated and embarrassed until he finally went out the bedroom door and finished on the other side of it. Then he knocked on the closed door. His voice was hesitant, wary. "Ya decent yet?"

Gibbs grabbed his own clothes as soon as Tony was outside and dressed, trying to ignore the discomfort of his still-hard cock. He dressed and adjusted, tucking in both shirts when Tony knocked. Gibbs let out a slight sardonic laugh. Nothing about this was decent.

"Yeah." He growled, pulling the door open and pointing to the chair, an overstuffed recliner. "You. Sit. Explain."

Tony's normally immaculate suit was quite rumpled looking, and for once he didn't even try to smooth out a single wrinkle. He sat quickly and he sat stiffly, in more ways than one. One leg crossed over his knee and he tried leaning forward on his forearms to hide the problem. When that didn't work he tried the opposite knee, and when that didn't work he folded both arms low over his abdomen, pulling the sides of his suit jacket around as much as he could for camouflage.

Then he coughed, three times in clearing his throat, and tried to explain. "Uhhh well like I said, I was having this incredible dream about Miss Wyoming ..... and don't get me started on what that girl can do with a lasso," he tried to jest in typical Tony style, "and I thought I was waking up in bed with her. You gotta believe me, Gibbs, I never would have .... " His eyes lowered to the man's chest, and for a moment his heart strangely skipped a beat as he remembered the feel of that nipple in his mouth. "It was a mistake. Honest. That's all I know."

Gibbs knew all the moves, all the adjustments men made to hide their arousal. Hell, he'd done it many times, just never around a guy. He didn't even bother hiding it. A constant hard-on was the least of it right now. DiNozzo'd been in his bed and had been pressing against his leg, knee exerting the perfect pressure on Gibbs' balls, mouth roaming over his chest like...

Fuck, he was so goddamn hard. And when Tony's eyes flicked to his chest, Gibbs knew what the other man was thinking. He had to fight instincts he didn't understand that were screaming at him to grab a handful of Tony's hair and start biting and nibbling at his neck, to run his hand over Tony's...


In a split second he'd considered and discarded a bunch of interrogation techniques, settling finally on intimidation. He walked up to DiNozzo, looming over the younger man before moving closer, squeezing the other man's legs closed with his lower thighs, his hands clamping the arms of the chair just outside Tony's. "You're telling me about your dream," he began in a low, gentle tone. "But you haven't told me how you got here and in my bed in the first place. Explain that. NOW!" He roared the last word, hoping to tip Tony completely off balance.

Tony tipped. He tipped right off the cliff as his face went ashen, a cold sweat breaking out on him at having his trapped balls crushed between his own legs in a move he couldn't even begin to break. It hurt like hell, but what was even more shocking were just two words that Gibbs said to him. My bed.

"Your b...bed?" he croaked. Oh God, why would I be in the man's bed? Oh God, is he trying to castrate me? Oh God, it's making me even harder!!

Gibbs leaned in close, nose to nose with Tony now, leaning over his body almost touching Tony's from nose to...God. Bad idea. His groin brushed over Tony's and he fought the urge to press down and rub.

"You were in my bed, DiNozzo. Why?" He didn't know why he said the words he did. "Why didn't you tell me you wanted me?" His voice had gotten softly seductive. "Wasted too much time..."

What the hell was he saying???

What the hell was he doing???

He couldn't stop himself as his hand lowered between their bodies, resting on Tony's chest, stroking over muscles.

He HAD to be drugged....but he couldn't stop himself.

"GIBBS?!" Tony tipped all the way over the back of the chair and came up, wild eyed with a mixture of mostly astonishment and loathing but also, perhaps just under it, a touch of lust on his face as he kept the chair between them now. "I don't want you! Jesus fucking Christ! Where's the fucking pod?!" His head started whipping around, even going so far as to look under the bed. "There's gotta be a pod! Jethro Gibbs isn't gay! Who the hell snatched your real body?! They're not getting mine! I'm never fucking sleeping again so stay away from me you ... you podmonster you!" he cried, pointing his finger at Gibbs.

He should have been mortified. He should have been furious. Instead he was just determined. He lunged at Tony, grabbing him in a bear hug and pinning his arms at his side. "Settle down, DiNozzo. SETTLE DOWN!"

Gibbs tried to breathe evenly, hoping to impart calmness to his second in command. "Don't know what the hell is going on here Tony but it's me." He swallowed hard. "It's me, DiNozzo."

Any arousal that had started to abate in his terror of body snatchers in real life came rushing back with a vengeance when the man bear-hugged him.

Tony's eyes were still wild, but after only an initial brief struggle to get loose, he moaned as he stared deeply into the other man's eyes, that calmness from his superior finally doing the trick and cutting through his panic. "It's you," he whimpered. "And I'm me ... at least I think I'm me .... so why would we be in bed together?" And why is my cock rock hard again?! "We've been in some pretty tight situations before, Boss, but never THIS tight." ... as in naked in YOUR bed!

"Breathe for me, Tony," he said in a tone of command, keeping his calm by sheer force of will. He could tell Tony was hard. Hell, he was every bit as hard, his hips fighting the urge to rub and grind against the other man. "You're telling me you don't know how you ended up in my bed, dry humping me?" He arched an eyebrow, giving Tony a perfectly serious look that wasn't in the least sarcastic. It was plausible. Gibbs didn't remember anything, why should Tony?

"Settle down," Gibbs whispered. "Gonna figure this out."

The man's commanding tone definitely helped too. Tony DiNozzo had a problem with authority figures, but for some reason he didn't chafe under Gibbs. In fact, he often acted like an over-eager puppy trying to get the man's approval. Jethro Gibbs was the only authority figure he truly respected.

"Honest to God." The wildness in those big hazel eyes dimmed even further. "I don't know how I ended up in your bed ...." He swallowed hard, the reminder of it both loathsome and strangely intoxicating too, "dry humping you. Mind letting me go now, Boss?" he asked, plastering a tiny hopeful smile on his face. "I'm okay, really. No more freak-out. Sorry Boss."

The image wasn't just intoxicating, the scent of Gibbs swimming over him was too. Dear God, he'd smelled the man a million times in the past, his deodorant, his aftershave, his natural body odor of sweat and man's musk .... so why was this time, number one-million and one, so much more vivid to his senses ... so much more ..... real?

He chuckled a little self consciously and released Tony. As long as they kept it strictly investigative they'd be okay. "What do you remember, Tony. Before you...we.." He gestured toward the bed, sighing. He really needed some damn coffee. "What did you do last night?"

Gibbs thought back. He hadn't done anything out of his normal routine, had gotten home at twenty-two hundred, warmed up some Chinese, caught the end of a ball game on the TV in the basement and had done a couple hours of work on the boat. He hadn't even had much to drink, no more than a belt or two of bourbon.

"Last thing you remember, DiNozzo?"

"Well it wasn't Miss Wyoming," the man grumbled and stepped back, being sure to put plenty of space between them despite the oddest urges he kept getting to be closer. "But she was blonde, cute ... " as if that mattered ...... "we've dated off and on here and there, we were at her place ..... a few glasses of wine, good conversation, and then .... ya know. I fell asleep after .... and when I woke up ... " Flushing slightly, he looked at the bed. "She's a good friend of an old buddy of mine, and it wasn't our first time .... ya know." He looked at the bed again. "There's no way she would've drugged me, and for what motive? And to what .... carry me all the way over here to your place just to scare the piss out of me?"

"Ya think, DiNozzo?" Gibbs shot back, reaching out and headslapping him. "Call her, DiNozzo." He could tell where Tony's mind was going but his was in a much more grave place. What if something had happened to her. "She bring the wine or you?"

Gibbs sighed. He couldn't think without his coffee. He jerked his head toward the door. "Coffee," he said by way of an explanation. He didn't have any of that hazelnut stuff DiNozzo liked but there was some milk and he had to have some sugar around. He had to figure this out and get his mind away from...well, what he was thinking. DiNozzo in bed with a blonde--anyone--that pissed him off.

"Yeoch," Tony grunted reflexively at the headslap as he quickly moved to the door to find the man coffee. He didn't know where Gibbs kept the stuff in his kitchen, but he'd do his best to avoid another smack. Or maybe not. Sometimes it made him secretly smile, willing to take any kind of attention from Gibbs, even negative attention like a child craved from a parent.

As he rushed into the kitchen he pulled out his phone and stabbed through the directory until he found her name and rang it. Then he stopped in midstep. "Uhhhhh Boss? Phone company says there's no such number. I'll try my buddy Hansen." Tony almost dropped the phone a few moments later. "Number belongs to a Dominoes Pizza. But that's been his for years, at least ten years. What the hell is going on?"

The house was the same, everything in Gibbs' memory having been used to create it just right for them. But that wouldn't extend to anything outside of it. It wouldn't be long before they realized they'd landed somewhere over the rainbow.

Gibbs padded down the stairs and got his coffee started while Tony was dialing. The aroma of coffee was just filling the air when Tony spoke and he turned around, mind assimilating all of this. "Call Abbs, Mcgee." He dialed Ducky and instead got some restaurant he'd never heard of in Reston Towne Center. Hanging up, he poured his coffee and drank a scalding hot sip before dialing NCIS. "Wrong number? What the hell ya mean, wrong number?" he yelled into the phone.

This was the reason he hated technology. He dialed old fashioned directory assistance and asked to be connected to Director Vance, Doctor Mallard in Autopsy, Abby's forensics lab. He rattled off the names of a half dozen agents who worked Intel and cold cases and then hung up slowly, downing the rest of his coffee before he spoke.

"They said Vance...Duck, all of 'em are characters in a television show."

"I can't reach anyone, not a single person I know. It's like a conspiracy, Boss ... or maybe ..... maybe we're being Punked!" Tony actually grinned then as he sipped his own coffee. "Oh I hope so. I'd love to put my fist into Kutcher's face for this. Maybe we can even arrest him for messing with NCIS agents." He rubbed the back of his neck and shrugged. "I wasn't drugged. Wine I grabbed on the way to her place and I never left her alone with my glass, there's no way she could've slipped anything in it."

But if he hadn't been drugged, how had he ended up naked with Gibbs?

Gibbs cocked his head, looking at Tony. He hated it when they said things he didn't understand. "What the hell does that..." He cut himself off with a slashing motion. "With me, DiNozzo. Not figuring it out in here."

He grabbed his shield and NCIS issued weapon, eyeing Tony and then handing him his backup in an ankle holster. "Take 'em. Stay alert. One car. Mine." As he headed for the door, he detoured, grabbing a throwing knife Ziva had given him one Christmas and strapping the ankle sheath on. This might be nothing, but his gut was screaming. Gibbs looked up, hoping Tony was gonna hit the door before he did, hoping Tony still carried a knife.

They might not need 'em but Gibbs wasn't gonna be at a disadvantage if he could help it.

The knife actually came out from under Tony's clothes in an automatic defensive maneuver when the door opened from the outside just as he reached for it.

The man standing there was about five foot six, dark haired, brown eyed, basically nondescript in physical appearance except for his clothing. They were even more expensive looking than Tony's. He had a key in his hand, but when he saw that knife he dropped it with a big O of surprise on his face. Outside across the street was a black limo. He was slightly out of breath because he'd ran, hoping to catch them before they got out the door.

Gibbs had aimed his weapon and stood in readiness. He had no idea who this guy was or why he had a key to Gibbs' house. Anyone who knew him knew the place was unlocked. Gibbs took in the appearance, the shock, the expensive close. "Talk," he growled, angling himself just to the right of Tony, flanking his senior agent.

"Well you're probably wondering .... " The man slowly bent at the knees and retrieved the key. "But I just didn't think it would be safe to leave you two like that in an unlocked home. I was trying to think of your safety .... and my investment, of course," he said with a nervous smile because of those weapons trained on him.

"What the hell is he saying? It's like English but something's lost in the translation."

As he bent, Gibbs flicked a gaze to Tony, but the other man was just as confused as he was. "You locked us in my house?" Well, they had an answer. Trusting Tony to be his backup, Gibbs very deliberately closed Tony's right hand over his gun. Once he was sure Tony had the weapon in a sure grip, Gibbs stepped forward, grabbing the man by his shirt and driving him against the wall. "Drugged us. Locked us in. Why?" he finished in a dangerously calm tone.

(TBC if any interest)

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